keyser blogs

There is a woman who frequents this site that is truly amazing!

I'm not naming names but I would love to meet her one day. She is far away across the Atlantic but hey, who knows what the future holds?!!

She is funny, sexy, intelligent, great personality and I love to - ahem - 'interact' with her over the Internet :)

Why she likes ME is a mystery LOL

Nuff said.

anyone ever get the feeling they're only wanted for chatting and fun, and not for showing cock on cam?

tell me i'm not alone LOL

please PMSL

I'm bored with the ones on my profile page, and by the lack of comments or them not being made a 'favourite' by other people, it seems so is everybody else!

So, should I take them down or not?

I seem to have hit my stride in chat and have managed to upset a number of people again! I think it's time to have a little break and a re-think of my behaviour (that could take a while LOL). I doubt it will be for too long though, chat is pretty addictive.

And no, this is not a plea for attention :p

1) Have you ever fantasised about a person of the same sex?

2) Have you ever had sex with someone of the same gender or indulged in kissing/fondling?

3) Do you find yourself attracted to people of the same sex sometimes?

4) Do you have any fetishes - including foot fetishes, sadism and masochism etc?

5) How important is sex to you?

6) How important do you think fidelity is, in a relationship?

7) How old were you when you first kissed?

8) Are you a virgin? If not, how old were you when you lost your virginity?

9) Which are the three people of the opposite sex you consider the most attractive?

10) Have you ever been convinced into having sex?

11) Have you ever used sex toys?

12) Do you masturbate? How often?

13) Describe a sexual fantasy you would like to fulfil someday.

14) Have you ever had phone sex?

15) Do you browse porn on the internet or on television?

16) Is there anything you would want to change about the way you look through plastic surgery if you had the choice and could afford it?

17) Have you ever wondered what it would have been to be born as the opposite sex?

Just wanted to say THANK YOU for pushing my Yuvutu index over 5000 for the first time in the 3 years I have been on this site! I never thought it would happen but it has and I am chuffed to bits :)

Keyser

Having seen a number of cumshot / facial / swallowing videos, I've noticed that when some guys orgasm they seem to 'dribble' their cum out and others spurt it convincefully........do women have a preference or doesn't it matter to them?

Just curious :-)

 You know I hate to ask

But are 'friends' electric?

Only

Mine's run down

And now I've no one to love.....................................................................................................................

Some quotes from my favourite character in the movie "Blue Velvet"....I like Frank :)

.

Frank Booth: Don't be a good neighbor to her. I'll send you a love letter, 
[shouting] 
Frank Booth: straight from my heart, fucker! You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet from a fucking gun, fucker! You receive a love letter from me, you're fucked forever! You understand, fuck? I'll send you straight to hell, fucker! 

.

Ben: To your health. 
Frank Booth: Ah, shit, let's drink to something else. Let's drink to fucking. Yeah, say, "Here's to your fuck, Frank." 
Ben: If you like, Frank. Here's to your fuck. 

.

[repeated line] 
Frank Booth: Fuck you, you fucking fuck! 

.

Frank Booth: Let's fuck! I'll fuck anything that moves! 

Life is shit LOL

And I wrote this :)

Oh you make me want to cum.

Let's have some fun.

One up the bum.

No harm done.

I'm feeling the urge to spread a little love and affection through the medium of poetry and rhyme. This is dedicated to anyone, really. I created it in 2 minutes and yes, I know, it shows :)

I'm feeling very horny,

I want your tits to suck.

It sounds so very corny,

But do you want a fuck?

1: Who would you most like to have a romantic candlelit dinner with?

a) Saxon

b) HarleyPoet

c) Danny

d) Hairs

e) Keyser

2: It's your birthday. Whose present would you treasure the most?

a) Saxon

b) HarleyPoet

c) Danny

d) Hairs

e) Keyser

3: Which person do you most like to chat to in Yuvutu?

a) Saxon

b) HarleyPoet

c) Danny

d) Hairs

e) Keyser

4: You are marooned on a desert island. Who do you miss the most?

a) Saxon

b) HarleyPoet

c) Danny

d) Hairs

e) Keyser

5: You are the last woman on Earth. Which person do you choose to repopulate the human race with?

a) Saxon

b) HarleyPoet

c) Danny

d) Hairs

e) Keyser

P.S. Saxon appears in the Answers especially for Lisabnn's benefit.

P.P.S. HarleyPoet appears in the Answers especially for BlowJobHeaven's benefit.

P.P.P.S. Danny appears in the Answers especially for Notty4u's benefit.

P.P.P.P.S. Hairs appears in the Answers especially for LadyDelicious' benefit.

P.P.P.P.P.S. My name appears in the Answers especially for my ego's benefit - God knows, it needs it! I'm hoping for someone to make a typing error and put 'e)' as an answer by mistake...

A song I've been listening to a lot lately - a simple tale of a man and his blow-up doll...

In every dream home a heartache

And every step I take

Takes me further from heaven

Is there a heaven?

I`d like to think so

Standards of living

They're rising daily

But home oh sweet home

It only a saying

From bell push to faucet

In smart town apartment

The cottage is pretty

The main house a palace

Penthouse perfection

But what goes on

What to DO there?

Better pray there

Open plan living

Bungalow ranch style

All of it's comforts

Seem so essential

I bought you mail order

My plain wrapper baby

Your skin is like vinyl

The perfect companion

You float in my new pool

Deluxe and delightful

Inflatable doll

My role is to serve you

Disposable darling

Can't throw you away now

Immortal and lifesize

My breath is inside you

I'll dress you up daily

And keep you 'til death sighs

Inflatable doll

Lover ungrateful

I blew up your body...

But you blew my mind!!!

Oh those heartaches

Dream home heartaches

Gabba gabba, we accept you, we accept you, one of us!
Gabba gabba, we accept you, we accept you, one of us!

I don't wanna be a pinhead no more. I just met a nurse that I could go for.
I don't wanna be a pinhead no more. I just met a nurse that I could go for.

I don't wanna be a pinhead no more. I just met a nurse that I could go for.
I don't wanna be a pinhead no more. I just met a nurse that I could go for.

D-U-M-B
Everyone's accusing me!

D-U-M-B
Everyone's accusing me!

I don't wanna be a pinhead no more. I just met a nurse that I could go for.
I don't wanna be a pinhead no more. I just met a nurse that I could go for.

Gabba gabba hey!

(Ramones ©)

Number 6: What do you want? 
Number 2: We want information. 
Number 6: Whose side are you on? 
Number 2: That would be telling. We want information... information... information. 
Number 6: You won't get it. 
Number 2: By hook or by crook, we will. 

1: What song would you most like to hear whilst having sex?

2: If your house was on fire, which single material item would you save?

3: If you were in a pop / rock group, which instrument would you play? Lead guitar, bass guitar, drums or keyboards? Or would you be the singer? (Special option for OC: Banjo)

4: What colour eyes would your perfect fantasy person have?

5: Do you like the sound of your own voice?

6: If you were allowed one single wish to come true, what would it be?

7: Given the choice, would you like to become immortal?

8: What was your favourite ch*ldhood toy?

9: Have you ever secretly fantasised about someone from Yuvutu whilst having sex with your partner?

10: Continuing the tradition of always including a question about myself, what would you say is my best feature? (be very careful with your answers!): a) sense of humour, b) intelligence, c) politeness, d) honesty, e) sympathy, f) cock :)

I'm feeling nosey so tell me the answers to these questions:

1) If you were marooned on a desert island with someone from yuvutu, who would you most like it to be?

2) Whose face do you like looking at the most on cam?

3) Who do you like looking at on cam the most when they are being 'naughty'?

4) Which person always looks at your cam 99% of the time you put it on?

5) Do you have contact with members of yuvutu outside of this site/chatroom (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, etc.)?

6) Have you ever met a member of yuvutu in real life? If so, did they live up to your expectations?

7) I can't think of any more questions, am I an idiot?

P.S. Any answer other than 'Keyser' to Question 3 will be met with swift and dire consequences to the answerer....

This is my 100th blog post.

Why do I visit this site? Answers on a postcard, please.

According to a recent USA Today cover story, oral sex is sharply on the rise among t**nagers, many of whom do not consider it a form of sex. What do you think?

The FDA has ruled that the two leading brands of saline breast implants are safe enough to stay on the market despite "relatively high" risks of complications such as pain or leaking. What do you think about the controversial approval?

LISA: "I still have some reservations about saline implants. I think I'll just get one and see how I like it."

OC: "Speaking as a medical professional well-acquainted with the dangers of cosmetic surgery, I likes big ol' titties."

TATTOO: "Women should be free to do with their bodies whatever men want."

NOTTY: "We sure have come a long way from the days when our ancestors carved breast implants from antler and horn."

SAXON: "I paid $8,000 for breast implants for my wife, only to have her romanced away from me by the enigmatic Latin lover El Macho. Curse you, El Macho!"

KEYSER (a.k.a. El Macho): "Maybe if those stupid bitches had any self-esteem, they wouldn't need implants. Whores."

Dedicated to someone special...

When you're dying of a dreadful disease

You don't worry 'bout the medical fees

It's too late to change your mind, the doctors pulling down the blind

And your temperature is rising to a hundred degrees

I'll cuddle up beside you for a start

And listen to the beating of your heart

And then I'll take you gently by the hand

And ask you when the trouble first began

And then I'll look down deep into your eyes

And if your temperature continues to rise

There's only one way to make it stop

I'll have to prescribe the strongest medicine I got

If this doesn't cure you, it'll kill

But I know it's gonna give you a thrill

And now I've come across, you can't complain about the cost

You shouldn't call the doctor if you can't afford the bill

© Wilko Johnson (Dr. Feelgood)

Should one post blogs when one is drunk?

piishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

1) Have you ever fantasised about a person of the same sex?

2) Have you ever had sex with someone of the same gender or indulged in kissing/fondling?

3) Do you have any fetishes - including foot fetishes, sadism and masochism etc?

4) How old were you when you first kissed?

5) Which are the three people of the opposite sex you consider the most attractive?

6) Have you ever been convinced into having sex?

7) Do you masturbate? How often?

8) Have you ever had sex with a person significantly older or younger than yourself?

9) Describe a sexual fantasy you would like to fulfil someday.

10) Have you ever had a one-night-stand?

11) Have you ever had phone sex?

12) Do you browse porn on the internet or on television?

13) Which are the three people of the same sex you consider the most attractive?

14) Have you ever paid for sex?

15) Have you ever been paid for sex?

16) Have you ever provided sexual favors to get anything in return, money or some other benefit?

17) If your boss promised you the promotion you were very keen to get but insisted that you spend a weekend with him, pleasing him sexually, would you agree?

18) Is there anything you would want to change about the way you look through plastic surgery if you had the choice and could afford it?

19) Would you pose nude for playboy if they offered you $1,000,000.

20) Have you ever been part of a sex orgy?

A new wave of pop princesses, including Britney Spears and Christine Aguilera, are drawing fire from parents who say they present inappropriately sexualized images to girls who look up to them. What do you think?

KEYSER SOZE: "I think it's terrible when 16-year-old girls dress up in belly-baring tank tops and tight little skirts. Jailbait cock-teasers."

MR. DEV: "When I was a te.en, things weren't like they are today. We had to use our imaginations to picture Petula Clark naked."

TATTOO: "It was entirely inappropriate for Britney Spears to wear that see-through Catholic sch.oolgirl outfit in my masturbation fantasy last night."

OC: Te.enagers shouldn't have constant access to sexual images on MTV. They should jerk off to nudie magazines hidden under their mattresses like a normal person."

HOT POLAR BEAR: "These te.en singers send young girls the message that if they dress and act provocatively, they will meet with approval from males and go farther in life. How ridiculous."

LISABNN: Chil.dren aren't growing up too fast. My 10-year-old daughter loves Britney Spears, and I trust her not to go all the way with her live-in boyfriend."

LONDON, UK

According to a report issued Monday by London resident Keyser Soze, 45, his "cock is too sore from wanking in a porn site chatroom". "Fuck," the report went on, "I should never have tried that third wank in one day." The report further stated that Mr. Soze would be seeking medical attention "if he can withstand the embarrassment of being examined by a female nurse, possibly named Lisa". The 2-page report concluded by stating that Mr. Soze will be abstaining from masturbating for at least the next 4 days.

Just a quick question: how often do you fantasise about sex during a typical day? :)

I'm expecting some interesting replies!

If anyone can answer just one of these I will sleep with them on a regular basis. :)

This started out seriously and degenerated into farce at the end...or did it?!!! You decide :)

Desperate to get my blog 'score' up, I've blatantly plagiarised Lisa's idea of 10 questions for fellow Yuvutu chatters.... Please answer honestly, or in the case of HotPolarBear, just make them up as I don't want to know what goes on in her mind !!!

As requested, a special poem for Sexy JC. I did think about creating a long, romantic poem with lots of erotic phrases but in the end I thought, "Sod it" and just went for the short, sharp option :)

Picasso had his 'blue' period...I think I must be going through my 'Lisa' period at the moment!!! This is just something I knocked off in 5 minutes :)

This poem was written to show that one can have strong feelings for a person they have never met, and that you don't have to show off your wares on cam to be a radiant, quietly erotic person........

Did you miss me, Yeah, while I was gone, Did you hug your pillow in your bed. Did you kiss me, Yeah, all night long and treasure every word that I say. Did you want me, Yeah, to come back again. Did you know I've been so far away, did you want me, Yeah, Did you tell your friends to think about me every day, Hey, to think about me every day...

I'm a great believer in not letting things that happen in the chatroom affect me but last night two people made me aware that they thought some of my comments and general behaviour in chat were, and I quote, "really nasty". I would take comfort in the fact that they don't know me very well but one of them I have known for a long time and thought I got on OK with. I am really shocked that my thoughts and chat could be taken in this way - I agree I can say some stupid things but only ever in good humour and/or for effect - and never ever would I deliberately be nasty to anyone. I've had enough experience of that myself not to wish it on my worst enemy. I always thought I livened up the room with my presence and made people laugh with the things I say but this revelation has rocked my confidence a bit. I'm sorry if I have upset anyone EVER with the comments I have made. I will still be coming in to chat with you all but this may affect the way I am for some time (although a leopard can't change its spots!) So it may be a less volatile or abrasive Keyser you see from now on. How wonderful for you all!!!

In order to help me continue to provide high quality service, please answer the following questions after viewing me wank on cam at least once: 1] Was I in a satisfactory state of arousal? a) Yes b) No.....2] Was the length of my penis: a) fantastic, b) adequate, or c) disappointing?.....3] Did the action of stroking arouse you: a) a lot, b) somewhat, or c) not at all?.....4] What was the reason for you watching? Was it: a) because you wanted to be turned on, b) you just happened to be looking at my cam, c) to keep me happy, or d) a horrible horrible accident which you do not want to repeat - ever?.....5] Did the amount of cum: a) delight you, b) amuse you, c) do nothing for you, or d) disappoint you?.....6] Did I clean up the 'mess': a) In a fast, efficient manner, b) sloppily and untidily, or c) not clean up at all?.....7] How did you feel after watching? Did you feel: a) sexually satisfied, b) unaffected, c) amused, or d) filthy and dirty?...........Thank you for completing this survey. Rest assured all answers will be taken into account on the next showing (unless they are derogatory).

:)

As it seems the fashion to wish everyone a Merry Xmas & A Happy New Year, I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and in the process bump up my quota of blogs too - a win-win situation! So Merry fucking Christmas, perverts. :-) I love you all.............pffffft

I've got a friend called Poppy, who knows I can be stroppy. But when we get on, I know she'd never let on, That I can also be quite soppy.

I'm a bad poet, I'm a bad poet, I'm a bad poet, And i know it.

Poems are shit, Poems are shit, Poems are shit, but I'm quite good at it.

Why do people write blogs? I've noticed an awful lot of blogs these days get no comments at all - maybe lots of views, but no comments. Is the writing of a blog simply a kind of mastubatory outlet, something that the author gets off on but no one else gives a toss (pun intended :) ) about? Why do you read them but not feel the need to comment on them? I myself have cum 3 times whilst writing this :) AND wouldn't it be ironic if this post got no comments at all LOL

I'm seeing a growing trend lately to either post a vomit-inducing "sentimental" blog or to make a comment that is in a similar vein. What's happened to all the insightful, thought-provoiking blogs of yester-year? The ones that make you think, question your beliefs and demands mental activity? Are they gone forever??? This has been Part 5 in a series designed to provoke controversy and abusive comments. :)

HPB........... If only you were mine, I would try to please you every day and night......... by dancing closely with you under the twinkling stars......... hide romantic love notes hidden all over our house.......... hold your hand at every opportunity.......... kiss you passionately when I have to leave......... slip a romantic poem I'd written for you into your handbag so you'd discover it later........... whisper loving sweet nothings in your ear......... and tell you "I love you" a hundred times a day................................ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

If I captured your heart and made u mine, I would send you twenty-one of the rarest gold roses each and every day, launch a thousand bottles with a message saying "I love you", name a star in the Heavens after you, give you a book of your life with twenty pages left blank for our future together...and most of all engrave your love on my heart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Day after day - I'm feeling OK - Slip into the room for some lust - Night after night - Everything is all right - Staring at the same woman's bust - But sometimes I feel - That it's not quite real - And the words that you speak are untrue - A tissue of lies - A cold glint in your eyes - An indifference that just grew and grew - So now I can say - You can do what you may - It won't make much difference to me - I'll stand by and watch - As you finger your crotch - Is this how you want things to be?

Although it's certain no one is gonna read this (and why would they?), I thought I'd post the disgustingly perverted and totally weird thoughts that went through my mind last night as I stroked on cam for a very special mature person...she knows who she is :) Random images flicker through my mind......... Meeting you in a hotel bar, you're wearing a tight-fitting polo-neck cardigan and plaid trousers. A hug... Drinks, chatting, flirting...touching... I take you by the zimmer frame to my room... A glass...dentures...we kiss...gums touch...delicious...passionate...warm tingling all over... Breathing heavily...I take off your cardi and trousers..you're standing there in ur huge knickers and Playtex bra... Urgently, you help me take off my clothes...naked now in front of you...I undo your bra...your breasts dangle near the floor...i kneel, sucking nipples...fondling...feeling your arse...wrinkles On the bed now...more gummy kissing...my fingers pulling your huge knickers to one side...a finger in your sopping dry pussy...then two...exploring...probing...flicking your clit... Hard cock...your trembling hand gripping...stroking...making it softer than ever before...feeling like I'm gonna explode... Your lips envelope it...dry tongue licking...your mouth moving up and down...hair tumbling over my chest (your wig fell off)... Lying back...you're on top of me, riding me like a geriatric jockey...controlling the pleasure...I am helpless as you take me...faster and more urgent now...dizzy spells...we can't stop... Bodies melding as one...animal rhythm in tune with each other...nothing else matters except this moment and next pension day... Explosions in my head...the look of your face in ecstacy...trembling bodies...arching...cumming... Holding you in the afterglow..thoughts of Countdown...sweet kisses...Steradent aroma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx